ifplatform.sty error after installing MiKTeX on Ubuntu Mate 16.04

I can’t tell if this is Windows or *nix; you appear to be neither.

The error above is what I receive even when I try to compile something as simple as this:

documentclass[11pt]{article} 
usepackage{minted}

begin{document}
    Test Text
end{document}

The error is clearly caused by the minted package being included (I assume it requires ifplatform) because the documents that don’t use the minted package compile fine. I’ve tried compiling using both pdfTeX and XeTeX (with the -shell-escape argument of course.)

This error never popped up in the past when I had some distribution of LaTeX that got installed automatically when I installed TeXmaker through apt. But I installed MiKTeX because it’s a lot easier to get new packages with it. That’s when this problem started.

I tried reading the documentation for ifplatform and it said something about things becoming confused if there’s a nul:.tex file in the search path. I only found a null.tex but deleted it anyway and it didn’t help.

I’d really appreciate any help regarding the matter, thanks in advance!

EDIT: The point I mentioned about the documentation is on page 3 of the documentation found here.

ProvidesFile{ifplatform.sty}
newififwindowswindowsfalse
usepackage{minted}