beamer.cls not found

I can’t install beamer and have tried as many of the solutions in the other answers as I could understand (which was like, two of them).

Whenever I try to compile a beamer document, I get the classic “beamer.cls not found”.

I have MikTex 2.9 on Windows 8. I try to go into the settings for MikTex but I can’t find it. I search the whole MikTex 2.9 folder for “settings” and there are no results. There is no folder called “maintenance” and literally all solutions I found involved going into such a file or folder. I have the “latex-beamer-3.07” folder sitting on my desktop, and that’s all I know about how tex works. I have one folder, and I want to put it somewhere else so that I can use beamer.

Like, this is completely unintelligible to me:
How do I update my TeX distribution?

This is the ‘solution’ that all the other ones link to, which as I said I can’t perform: MikTeX 2.9, install packages on the fly?

Same here, I don’t know where to get to the “options dialogue”: LaTeX packages: automatic versus manual installation, and related issues

I don’t know what “binary” means, I don’t know what anything means haha I just need to make this beamer for my thesis defense, which is tomorrow. I have used beamer before so I don’t understand why this is happening, but such is my life. I just need to know where to plunk this beamer folder. Thanks for any help!