Pets Asked by James Junghanns on June 12, 2021
Unfortunately I’ve messed up and don’t really know how to remedy the situation, I need some suggestions and help.
The situation is as follows: my in-laws are vets and do a lot of pro-bono work. One day they had a small (feral) kitten in their clinic that had suffered a rectal prolapse and had been brought into them after being found and (unfortunately) after she’d seen some rough treatment at the hands of the cattery’s resident vet, that had apparently stitched her anus shut without anesthesia. Anyway, once they remedied the situation and repaired the damage, she was a fairly normal kitten and I took a shining to her, so after a few months that she went unclaimed I took her home.
She’s developed normally and is now about a year old. I’ve had her for about seven months now. She’s extremely skittish and has always rushed under sofas and beds to keep out of our way, but simultaneously seems OK with us when we’re stationary and she is being the active party. Honestly she seems better with my partner than with me, but then again she has a good way with animals. The cat has her litter box and uses it very effectively, eats and drinks, plays around with stuff, and often sleeps with us. First thing in the morning she’s always very affectionate with head bumping, licking, and meowing.
Anyway, I was trying to use the "gently confine a kitten" method to teach her she had no reason to run under the furniture all the time. That wasn’t working, so while I was at it I decided to comb her because she was shedding loads. She never much liked that and probably that was the wrong thing to do because it lead to her suddenly defecating on me, which lead me to scream and jump up, she ran scared, etc., and then I tried to catch her because she was leaving fecal skid marks wherever she went.
That must have terrified her and I regret it. Now she’s extremely wary of me (I don’t blame her, I would be too) and whenever I approach her in a manner she deems threatening (quite difficult not to approach her in a two-room apartment) she pastes herself to the ground, puts her ears back, and flicks her tail in a classic display of submission. She becomes totally non-interactive so I can’t even successfully get her to take a treat and defuse the situation. She’s never been the smartest cookie in the jar (sometimes can’t even find treats that are offered to her on the palm of one’s hand).
Anyway, I know I screwed up, and I would like to know where I can begin to rectify the situation and regain her trust.
Thanks for taking the time.
Ok, this might take a while to fix, but it is fixable.
First things first, when the cat shows fear like that it's going to be essential to signal that you are not a danger, then leave her completely alone. No kind of interaction except signaling your disinterest. There is no way to interact in a positive way once the cat has taken this position.
Also, if you are walking towards her and she becomes scared, again signal disinterest and then go out of your way to walk around her as much as possible, give her as much room as you can.
Signaling being disinterested and non-threatening consists of a few parts:
Now, for interaction: Avoid going to your cat for interaction, instead try sitting down a non-threatening distance away (I'm sure you've figured out how far that currently is already, this distance will lessen over time), then bring out some (smelly!) treats, a toy, or just tap/scratch the floor/chair/sofa to get her attention. Allow her to come to you for playing, treats, or petting. Important here, move slowly when she does come to you, unless she's completely focused on a toy that needs a bit of speed to operate.
If she doesn't come after a few minutes just get up and ignore her for a while, then try again later.
Eventually you will begin to build her trust, and she might even become a true cuddly kitty, but it will take time, maybe weeks, maybe months.
EDIT #1:
Rereading some of the medical stuff, there is a possibility that you didn't really scare her into defecating, but due to the medical procedure she has an "eject button" (or just a really painful spot!) in the form of an exposed nerve or somesuch, which could explain the cause of the incident.
As for the "gently confine method" you mention, I've never heard of it, and doesn't seem to be a very enjoyable experience no matter how much your cat trusts you. Cats will sometimes run and hide, this will resolve itself over time as trust is built provided no stimuli reinforces the behaviour.
Background: I have a cat that used to be really skittish, with major abandonment issues. She'd run and hide when I moved around, or when strangers were around. And she'd only approach me when I was stationary.
After a 2 years she'd actually sit on my lap, after 3 or 4 she'd accept strangers. These days she's the first to greet visitors, she's hard to keep off my lap, and she sleeps on the bed next to me almost every night. I even get to cut her claws without her mauling me!
Correct answer by Stig Tore on June 12, 2021
Having had big problems with a nervous 3 year old rescue cat, I am sure that the Feliway plug-in device noticeably helped his situation. He is still wary and we let him approach us without making sudden movements if possible.
We guess that he has been very badly hurt (emotionally?) in the past and we have to win his absolute trust. It is improving inside the house and the garden, and I didn't really believe it when everyone said 'give it time', but now I agree.
Good luck!
Answered by 123jump on June 12, 2021
The relationship of your cat is fixable, I can relate some of the incidents happened with me. I adopted a kitten who was wandering in the streets, probably 3.5 month old, I gave her all necessary thing she needed, we had become friends and after a month she started peeing in the bed and on my clothes.
To be honest I am a very short tempered guy, and I lose control when I'm angry. However, I controlled my anger 2 times after that I couldn't take it. I grabbed her from the ears and slapped her, then locked her in the bathroom with the litter box. This happened 3 times.
She became scared of me and whenever I came towards her, she would run away. I felt really bad, and I thought why did I hurt her, she doesn't even know what was her punishment. So I thought that I should improve. So after what happened, these were some measures I took:
In 2 weeks we improved our relationship, she started sitting on my lap, licking my hand and face. After that I petted her and kissed her in the cheeks.
She is 2 years old and it's like we are best friends.
So I think you should give your cat some space, and try giving food with your hand without provoking her. And you'll be good to go in some weeks. Also, whenever you get angry just count till 30 and never hurt your cat again, so her trust doesn't break.
Answered by Muntasir on June 12, 2021
Stig Tore gave a great answer but only to augment it: Don't forget about extending fingers.
Once your cat is comfortable with your presence, i.e., doesn't run away at the sight of you, extend your index finger to her and check if she sniffs it. Sniffing your finger is a sign of consent for cats as if they give you permission to touch them. Only then you can touch her but still be gentle. Just touch her head and her chin, never her paws or her back.
Don't pick her up for whatever reason, I have never seen a cat that likes being picked up. Some of them tolerates it, but they don't like it regardless.
Answered by C.Koca on June 12, 2021
I was reading this post when my cat was scared of me which is infact today,just few minutes ago. Then an idea came to my head.I put on a 'Kitten meowing ' video on YouTube and hide the phone under my blanket. First she waited outside of the room dying to find out where from all those 'meowings' coming . Next she was holding my bed and searching with her eyes but still keeping her distance. Next she couldn't take it anymore.She came up on my bed and search around. It went on for 10 minutes until the video stopped.During her search,she got comfortable around me. Now she is lying beside me,letting me pet and purring. It's all about the children I guess. A cat is an animal with curiosity in its eyes and fear in its step. An unusual combination,I happened to entice her curiosity more than her fear with that 'Kitten meowing' video I suppose.
Answered by Ozy on June 12, 2021
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