Cat Not Socializing with Partner's Cats

We had a similar situation a little over a year ago. We had our boy Scout who is now 4 years old. We used to feed a stray cat and then eventually took her in. They did not get along. Also Misu the stray was a temperamental cat (but has mellowed down since). She would bully Scout the moment they saw each other. She was used to guarding her territory and she would do it ferociously. We used to separate them for almost 6 mos.

We then heard about a boarding place where the owner was a behavioural specialist. We boarded them with her for two weeks. In those two weeks they bonded and would stay in the same space without fighting. However once they came back home they eventually started fighting again but not to the extent they had earlier. They could share the same space without biting each other’s heads off. That’s when we stopped separating them. So progress... in a way.

We then moved houses. They don’t fight anymore but are wary of each other’s company. They’ve learned to live in each other’s space.

The point of telling you this was that even if they are fighting now they will eventually get past it and find their comfort zones. I know it seems harsh not to intervene and them slug it out but for us keeping them in a controlled environment helped.

The specialist also told us that cats are sensitive to our feelings. Our anxiety easily rubs off on them. Hence when they were boarding with her, they learned something about each other without our anxieties interfering.

If you can find such a place do considering boarding them for sometime. I hope you find a solution soon. Good luck!

I know it is difficult if these cute cuddly creatures don't get along. Cats are much different than dogs. Dogs love to play with one another, even with cats. Cats, even big wild cats like pumas, jaguars and cheetahs are usually more independent, and can be territorial. I have had two cats from the same litter, in three pairs. I keep thinking that litter mates would be great friends. From our experience one cat, would soon claim the best places to sleep and play and was pushy about being fed first, even eating the other cats food. The other cat always seemed to let her take the role of leader. The cats I have now are two Siberians, at first they played together, slept together and seemed to follow each other around. This only lasted during the first year. One has longer fur and is larger. She is the alpha cat. They usually prefer to be in separate rooms or separate sides of the same room, except at bedtime. You might guess which one gets to sleep on the bed. There isn't any "fighting" for the most part, a little chasing, but it is mostly a non-verbal understanding. Try two cat trees, two different places to eat/drink and play with each separately. With our first pair, in our first house the hall was only 2.5 feet wide and they would pass each other by walking right next to the wall. Cats usually work out an acceptable pattern for themselves, they move around during the day and check out certain places where they leave their scent. Cats are much more mellow as they age. If your kitties don't work it out together, you might want to try keep them separated some of the time for a while, for example two cat trees, two different places to eat and play. An odd thing happened with our last pair, when the more dominant cat unfortunately passed away, the shy cat became much more affectionate, played with both of us and seemed more calm and happy.