Resolve frequent conflicts between a group of friends due to poor etiquette

Do you know the principle of Nonviolent Communication (NVC) ?

It's an approach of communication which is based on empathy : your explain what you feel and why you feel that way without blaming anyone.

I have experienced this method many times and it is often rewarding. When you express what you feel, nobody can object it. That way, your interlocutor becomes more aware to what you are saying, because he doesn't feel offended. You are not rejecting the fault, you don't get offensive, you just express your feelings about a situation.

It requires to be careful to the vocabulary you use. Typically, when you say to your friend "you can't always get your own way" or "you can't keep doing that", you reproach him his behavior. The key is to NEVER use "YOU". . Your friend will feel attacked and may not respond well (everyone has an ego).

You can find a lot of information about it on the internet, but basically here is a quote from a pdf I've found) which sums up the 4 components of NVC :

1. Observation: Observe the situation without evaluating or judging. A pure observation is without comparison to the past.
2. Feelings: Identify a feeling. Feelings are always related to your body, and never involve others.

This website offers some examples of feelings : Feelings Inventory. As I said, the words you use are very important.

3. Needs: Identify your need or desire. A psychic or basic need is always about oneself, not about another, and is always a basic human quality.

Here are also examples of needs : Needs Inventory.

4. Request: Formulating a request. Phrase a specific request positively, speaking kindly, but firmly and clearly, without unnecessary emotion such as sarcasm.

Example, NVC process : “Felix, when I (1) see socks under the coffee table I (2) feel irritated because I am needing (3) more order in the room that we share in common. (4) Would you be willing to put your socks in your room or in the washing machine? [If the response lacks clarity or seems disconnected, then request feedback.] (5) So I know that you understood me, would you tell me what you heard me say?”

I try using this method in my everyday life, at work or with my partner. This often ends with a really calm conversation, with a lot of empathy, where everyone is aware of the needs of each interlocutor and try to solve the problem.

Do not hesitate to practice this method before talking to your friend, ask for advice and opinion.

I hope this can help you.