Past Perfect Negative Plus Future Perfect while in the Present

Question

Given the situation:

I enjoy a podcast that has ended
There is a bonus episode of the podcast that I am not aware of that, if I were aware, I would listen to it
Somebody tells me about the existence of the episode

The best way I can think to write this, that isn't super cumbersome, is to say:
"If you hadn't told me about that episode, I never would have"
But the "never would have" part implies that I have already listened to it.
"If you hadn't told me about that episode, I will have never listened to it"
While this gets closer what a theoretical future me would not have done, it makes it seem like I'm not planning on listening to it.
Is there a better way to phrase this that I'm missing?

shumble · Accepted Answer

You are asking for the impossible. ("Past Perfect Negative Plus Future Perfect while in the Present")
The future perfect is not combined with a past tense verb in the 'if-clause'. This is because, by default, the past tense in the if-clause represents a past conditional and the future perfect in the result clause represents the non-past (present or future). It's also impossible because you are apparently trying you combine a real conditional (you did tell me about it) with what you call 'a theoretical future me', which calls for an unreal conditional. You can't have it both ways.
If you want something that works your can use

If you hadn't've (had not have) told me about it, I wouldn't have known about it.

This doesn't imply you're going to listen to the bonus episode.

Past Perfect Negative Plus Future Perfect while in the Present

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