English Language & Usage Asked by Cobus Kruger on July 27, 2021
I have been writing short stories for the last few months, and have a bad habit of overusing certain sentence structures. Now I think I overuse a particular remedy to the original problem. Oh dear. When I started thinking about it, I was suddenly unsure if it is even a valid structure.
To take a simple example:
He stomped off, muttering to himself.
The intention is that both actions happen at the same time. Alternatives include:
I dislike the second version, as stomping off is clearly the more important action; stomping off without muttering is closer to my meaning than muttering without stomping off.
My intuition is that it is valid, but I have struggled to find out what this type of sentence structure is called. I think it is a compound sentence, but the second part seems to be dependent on the first because of the time correspondence.
If it is valid – and I know this may be purely subjective – is it a good style? Do you think it is better or worse than the alternatives I gave? Is there a good variation I missed?
Sprinkling liberally your writing with any pet structures tends to make it stilted and artificial. It spices up your writing to diversify structures and sometimes— take bold leaps to flout the rules (This, of course, hardly means that you could make or breaks rules at will.)
Now—
He stomped off, muttering to himself.
is a perfectly valid construction, where muttering to himself is the participle phrase acting as a modifier.
Of course, you could go with your other version (using while or as), and it depends on what and how you want your message to come through.
Significantly, the while version is probably just as good as the original here, but it's not always that you could use the two versions interchangeably: You could compromise the exactitude of your implied meaning. To illustrate with an example— [Pursued by bandits, he managed to get safely to his home]— it's unclear whether the two actions—pursued and managed to get safely to his home— are occuring simultaneously or not. Here the while version might do the trick.
So the bottom line is that it depends on what you want to convey and how you want to convey it. Rest, the English language does really offer you a cornucopia of choices to pick from.
Answered by user405662 on July 27, 2021
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