English Language & Usage Asked by V_H on December 11, 2020
What is the word to describe this? I was reading up about the differences between jealousy and envy and this doesn’t seem to fit either, when you don’t actually want what the other person has, nor do you have it, but you’re just kind of bitter and angry because you don’t think they deserve anything at all.
For example: Your crappy neighbor wins a new car. You have a much better car, or don’t even need a car at all, but you’re still mad about it since he doesn’t deserve to win anything at all. Or, you break up with a real jerk, are more than happy to be rid of him and find a new wonderful partner, and then later see him out with a really attractive person. It’s not like you want the guy back, or you want the person he’s with, or that you’re even wanting a relationship, but you just are angry that this jerk is getting anything at all.
A friend suggested “begrudge”, but it still sounds like you actually want what the other person has. Is there a simple word to express resentment/biterness over another person’s good fortune without investment in actually wanting what they obtained?
I don’t think you will find a better word than begrudge for “regard as ill-deserved”.
I know I shouldn’t care, but I begrudge my ex his new partner a bit.
Merriam-Webster agrees that it needn’t have a covetous connotation:
be·grudge verb bi-ˈgrəj, bē-
: to think that someone does not deserve something
: to regard (something) as not being earned or deserved
Resent is another good choice.
Correct answer by Jon Purdy on December 11, 2020
There's a loan word "schadenfreude" which means the desire that the life of others become worse, instead of own life becoming better.
I don't know if it's exactly the same situation as you mean, but it would be appropriate, for example, if you have 2 cars, your neighbour has only 1, but you'd rather him have none, because you think he doesn't deserver any at all (because you're sooo much better then him).
Answered by Danubian Sailor on December 11, 2020
What about Irony ? I know it's not what you're looking for, but if you think about it, your ideal reaction should only go as far as appearing to you as ironic that someone has got something good when you don't think they deserve it. But you never know all the facts, you don't even know that the new car is actually good for them. So I would go for "it's ironic that he has won a new car when he's actually a dreadful person that poisons my fish and plays loud music".
Technically this feeling you're looking to describe is not really an emotion as such, but an attitude developed as a reaction to an emotion of anger. We only have a few "pure" emotions, but lots of varying attitudes.
Hope this at least provides a bit of food for thought.
Answered by user88568 on December 11, 2020
I believe the best word to describe what you are feeling is indignation. Begrudge is a good word if you don’t care about the similarities with envy and resentment. According to Dictionary.com:
indignation (n): strong displeasure at something considered unjust, offensive, insulting, or base; righteous anger.
That is, indignation at the other person’s good fortune.
Incidentally, putting a few words together to make resentful indignation is part of the definition of another word: wrath. Again, according to Dictionary.com:
wrath (n): strong, stern, or fierce anger; deeply resentful indignation; ire.
Wrath is a really interesting word, but it is a very deep emotion. As food for thought, is this person really the object of your wrath rather than your indignation? :)
Answered by Snapman on December 11, 2020
Begrudge and resent are good suggestions in a different answer, but I would like to add that if you act on the feelings you mention, you might be said to act out of spite. Also, you behaviour could be construed as spiteful.
Answered by Boluc Papuccuoglu on December 11, 2020
Hater: Hating, the result of being a hater, is not exactly jealousy. The hater doesn't really want to be the person he or she hates, rather the hater wants to knock someone else down a notch. -Urban Dictionary
Pompous: Characterized by excessive self-esteem or exaggerated dignity; pretentious Pretentious: Making claim to distinction or importance, esp undeservedly -TheFreeDictionary
It must be nice... (sarcastically) A phrase said to share that feeling with others because there is no better word for jealousy. The context of the discussion fills in the blank, unspoken.
In the example, they are jealous that their "crappy" neighbor doesn't live a life as hard as they do to live on their block. Living frugal or having different ethics does not prescribe them to say that their neighbor is in anyway subhuman and undeserving, that would be pretentiously pompous; a 'hater'.
Answered by Mazura on December 11, 2020
sadist and the likes.
If X resents when the X sees others get what they deserve/don't deserve, then I'd like to address X as a sadist.
I am jealousy when you've got something I don't have.
I am a sadist
if I feel bad when you've got something I do have.
Answered by name on December 11, 2020
indignant (Webster): feeling or showing anger because of something that is unfair or wrong : very angry
This seems appropriate as it seems what you are after is a way to express that your sense of justice has been violated.
Answered by Kevin on December 11, 2020
"Every time a friend succeeds, I die a little." - Gore Vidal
I think the above quote embodies the feeling the original poster was trying to capture. To say you don't think somebody deserves it isn't quite capturing the malcontent behind the feeling. It is almost based in insecurity and self-loathing. I almost think the only word we have for it is 'hater.' Although I would like to see something a little more creative.
Answered by thevadge on December 11, 2020
"glückschmerz" (German) - the opposite of 'schadenfreude'; the sorrow and discomfort felt at the good fortune of others.
Answered by Sam on December 11, 2020
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