An essay on a 'society' topic

I was wondering if somebody could check my essay and maybe give some feedback on the grammar side of it and, if that was possible, evaluate it as an IELTS essay. Actually, it is my first attempt to write an essay on IELTS topic. The question was: "In many countries women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require the financial security that marriage can bring. To what extent do you agree?"
My essay

"Given the current state of the world and compared it with the state of the world 50 years, or more, earlier, the strong decline of the number of marriages can be noticed. Certain individuals ascribe it to the ability of today world’s women to earn their own money. Partly agreeing with this statement, I strongly believe that the main reason why women are getting married less must be more sophisticated.

Since the second half of the nineteenth century, with the beginning of the feminist movement, conventional views on happiness of women started to change. Women of that period of history had achieved their right to vote, what lead to overhaul of women’s place in society. The results of those historical events is what I consider as the most important key in understanding of why women are getting married less today. What I mean is the equality of opportunities of self-actualization for everyone, despite of sex. For instance, even thought of a woman being a military officer was ridiculous in past, whereas today it is not a miracle anymore, and that is one of the main achievements of feminists. So, I think, the income women get from their success in various spheres of professional life are not the main reason why they are getting marrying less currently, but the success, the focus on it and the way to it definitely is.

The secularization of society is also taking its toll on the number of marriages. For example, the orthodox christianity, as well as many other religions do, encourages people to have a family and kids and praise women as mothers and wifes. With influence of religion on the wane, women are respected today not only if they had kinds or a husband.

Summarising, although women do earn their own money today, their wealth is not the main reason they feel less need to get married."