What do I grease and what do I lubricate?

Adding to James Keuning's answer:

The way I think about lube and grease is that basically, grease is for things that don't get taken apart as much, and lube is for parts that get more care, more often, and are usually more easily accessible. This absolutely does not mean that bikes do not need grease or that it isn't as important as 'lube'.

I use lube on my chain, derailleurs, pivots, etc. This is usually done once a week depending on the weather (Chicago) when I clean and lube my drivetrain.

I use grease on the other parts that are usually only seen during a serious teardown, i.e. bottom bracket bearings, head tube bearings, wheel bearings, etc.

One place grease is of particular importance is in your shifters. Once or twice a season I like to remove the hoods from my shifters, blast everything out with degreaser, and then use a small brush to apply some heavy grease to the mechanical components. Places where I use grease more often are on my pedals and on my seat post.

If you get a jar or quality grease and a bottle of quality chain lube, you should be set for pretty much everything.

One major function of grease on bikes is waterproofing, e.g. for bearings. Since the bearings on a bike typically move slowly (no more than a few hundred rpm for hub bearings and significantly slower for everything else) you should pack them with quite a bit of grease to provide the best protection from ingress of water and dirt.

It's also a good idea to apply grease to threads that will bear a lot of torque – it prevents seizing, and can save you a lot of grief when you need to undo it years later. Examples are the pedal threads and bottom bracket threads, both of which must be highly torqued but are very exposed to water and dirt kicked up by the front wheel.

Stuff To Use:

• Silicone based lubricant - for all weather conditions - especially good to use in wet or in winter - it's water resistant. It's thicker than teflon based and it's sticky (dust catches onto it making a paste - needs to be re-applied when dirt accumulates).
• Teflon based lubricant - for dry conditions only, thinner and runs smoother than silicon based. Doesn't catch dust so much.
• Wheel Bearing grease - it's thinner than other grease which makes the bearing run smoother. Also good for greasing rubber seals and other moving parts.
• Thread grease / Anti-seize grease - thicker and stickier, for non-moving parts.
• Threadlocker - for securing bolts.

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Where to put stuff:

• Grease on bolts - for protecting the thread and preventing seizing of the bolt - but read the specifications. Greased bolt takes less force to tighten, so when tighten to spec you might actually over-tighten the bolt when the spec is for dry (should be specified if for dry or greased or with threadlocker, the default is dry when not specified):

  

• Bolts on brake components always require threadlocker (go with medium strength) - this means: caliper fixing bolts for both disc or rim brakes + disc brake rotor bolts or road caliper pads fixing bolts:

  

  Re-apply the threadlocker if the factory one has weared off.

• Shimano recommends dry rear derailleur fixing bolt installation, srams recommends to grease it.

• Press-fit bottom brackets install dry (the plastic cups into frame). All cartridge bearings should get greased on outer rim (BB30 bearings, etc.):

  

• Put grease on threaded BB's, Spindles, Crank Arm, Spindle interfaces and Seals:

  

• Bearing grease for all bearings insides, for ceramic bearings there is a special lube.

• For seatpost apply grease on metal to metal areas. For carbon seatpost apply carbon friction paste.

• Grease the pedals spindle threads:

  

• Derailleur pulley bolts should have high-strength threadlocker applied:

  

• Joints of rear suspension systems should be greased.

• Mtb chains can be both lubed or greased (if bought new they usually come greased), I would prefer lubing over greasing for road chains. Spray lubricants should not be used on bicycle chains, you can easily contaminate other parts of bike. Rather apply lube on each chain link carefully. Wipe excess lubricant so chain is almost dry on outside to not catch dirt and dust.

• Use lube for external bowdens and shifters on old bikes, modern plastic-lined housings are designed to not be lubricated.

• Use fork oil for fork servicing and for fork seals.