ios 13 Family shared calendar has no alerts

My wife and I have iOS 13 with a shared family calendar. If she creates a calendar event and puts alert(s) at the bottom when it shows up on my phone and I accept it from the calendar inbox there are no alerts.

I’ve googled this like crazy but only found similar but not identical questions, all with instructions for older iOS versions which I’ve followed without success. I want the alerts she put when creating the event to come through on my phone as well.