Is this a grammatically sound sentence?

Question

Need help with this sentence:

Interestingly, the “dirty hands” argument is repeatedly deployed in the Mahabharata. Lord Krishna guiding Arjuna’s chariot in the battle against Karna, sees Karna set down his weapons as he alights from the chariot to lift the wheel which is stuck in wet clay. Seeing him defenceless, recognising that this is the only moment when Karna could be killed, which, if allowed to pass, would mean that Arjuna would lose the duel, Krishna urges Arjuna to shoot an arrow at Karna.This is in violation of the rules of war.

I don't know why, but the highlighted sentence sounds iffy to me. It is such an unwieldy jungle of words. What exactly is wrong with it and how could the writer have phrased it better?

Anton · Answer

There are several combined but logically sequential thoughts in the sentence. I find it clear and unambiguous so suggest it is acceptable.
I add my annotations {so}:
Seeing him defenceless
{Krishna sees that Arjuna is defenceless},
recognising that this is the only moment when Karna could be killed
{Krishna sees that this is the only opportunity for Arjuna to kill Karna},
which
{opportunity},
if {it, the opportunity, is not taken }
allowed to pass, would mean that Arjuna would lose the duel
{the loss being conditional on missing the only opportunity to win},
{Consequently and finally, in view of all the foregoing points}
Krishna urges Arjuna to shoot an arrow at Karna
{so that Arjuna may win}.

Elliot · Answer

The analysis is very good. An improved description might be this;
Seeing Karna defenseless, Lord Krishna recognizes that this is the only moment when Karna will be vulnerable. If this moment is allowed to pass it would mean that Arjuna would lose the duel. So Krishna urges Arjuna to shoot an arrow at Karna even though it would be in violation of the rules of war.

Is this a grammatically sound sentence?

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